Muskogee, OK

On my way to Texas this past weekend, I got to know the town of Muskogee quite well.

Here's why.

As I'm driving down the road, my tire low light comes on. Being the cautious driver that I am, I pulled over to check my tires and found out that two of my valve caps wouldn't come off.

*Ring Ring*

"Heeeeeello," answered Mr. B

"Hey. My valve caps won't come off, so I can't check my tires to see if they are okay and my low tire light is on." I whined.

"Do you have something to get them off?" he asked.

"Yea, a vice grip. And I put it on there and it still won't budge." I confidently answered.

"You're doing it wrong then." he said.

Psh, homeboy still hasn't figured out that I don't do anything wrong.

So I keep driving as the light is still on, and I approach Muskogee. I pull over again to try and get the caps off and this time I clamp it on the cap and turn.

WSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The valve stem broke in half and my tire immediately deflates.

"Shane!!! (sniff sniff) My (sniff) tire (sniff sniff) is completely deflated (sniffffff) and I don't know how to change it and I only have a donut to drive on!" I bawled. 


So I called my Dad, who called a towing service, who had two very nice gentlemen come change my tire.

"Sweetheart, you look like you been cryin." 

Thanks for pointing that out captain obvious. Good thing they had a southern drawl or I might have kicked them in the shin.

After they put the donut on they showed me to Walmart. Who stayed open late just to fix Rosa.

I guess I shouldn't bash Walmart anymore.

Here's what I learned that night:

Muskogee is a pretty sweet town.
Don't leave your vice grip on the ground, Mexicans will steal it.
Rosa has a slight hangnail problem.
Don't get in the car with strangers that offer to take you to Texas.
Do wear waterproof makeup so you don't look like a hot mess when meeting very polite southern boys.

Got that?