11.14.2016

making room.


Can I be honest for a couple minutes? Like - real, looking you in the face, honest?

I’m not busy. 

My life is not busy. 

Shane and I are not torn between obligations or running our family around constantly. We actually often stare at each other asking, “So, what are we going to do this weekend?” 

My planner that I overspend on every year is most of the time used for to do lists instead of actual activities - and one time last week I let Rhett color all over it because he had a pen in his hand and I was done picking battles for the day. 

And let’s get even more honest here - I find myself jealous of people who are busy. 

"Oh we have plans every weekend from here until Christmas!"

"I’m sorry - I can’t stay long because I have another thing to be at in an hour."

"Between work and school and the activities there is no time on our family calendar."

Getting even more gritty - I associate busyness with having a life. Having purpose. 

I think busy people have a fuller life with more friends. 

I think busy people are better organizers - they have to be if they have so many things that need attention.

Not being busy and having quiet, slow days are hard for me. I can get restless and crabby. I start wondering what I’m doing with my life and start the whole comparison game. 

But (there’s always a but) - being quiet has been so good for me this past year. I have felt an overwhelming nearness from God, I have connected deeper with a few friends, with my husband, with myself and my maker. I wish I could tell you that I have meticulously made room for all of that - but that wouldn’t be true. 

Along the way, I have learned that God’s nearness alone has to be enough for me. I couldn’t feel him when I was busy - I was trying to cram so much in my life to feel valid as a human being instead of placing that identity in Christ.

A friend actually brought up my unhealthy addiction to busyness a couple years ago. We had decided to start running together right when I got off work. Her home was a couple blocks from my job and the plan was to change and head over there and sweat it out together. Easy peasy.
Being super awesome at follow through and priorities (heavy sarcasm there, I’m terrible) - 5 days a week turned to 3 days a week. Which turned to 1 day a week, which turned to “Gosh I really don’t want to run.” 

A couple weeks after we completely stopped - she confronted me about it. She was hurt. She felt like I had no time to be a friend, let alone run with her. I think her exact words were, “I know you have a lot on your plate, and a lot of friends, and it’s okay if you don't want to be mine.”

My heart broke. 

Unknowingly, I came across as too busy to be a friend. And I hated that because I loved (LOVE) her place in my life. Truth speaker. Encourager. Friend. 

My jealously of busy people is based on lies. The lie says, “Wow! Look at their amazing life! They have so many places of connection, so many friends. So much worth.”

And what I’ve had to train myself to believe is this: No. Being busy doesn’t make you better. It’s not who you are. It’s far from connectedness (what I crave most), and actually creates division in your life if you allow it to.

As our family grows and Rhett gets older, I’m sure this will start being more of a battle for our family. 

But I think this is the perfect season to sit in the stillness and become disciplined in the power of being unhurried. To love the slow moments. Creating time for more. 

More wagon rides. More waffle breakfasts. More outside time. More eating with friends standing up in their kitchen, connecting.  More simmering and less microwaving. 


More of that. 

7 comments:

Mom said...

Enjoy the moment!!! Lots of wisdom in this post!! Love you much!!

Megan said...

YESSSS. Yes yes yes.

Jacalyn Norlien said...

Yes yes yes, love this Kallie! I am thankful that I have almost gotten to the point where I don't crave BUSY anymore.

Rachel Anderson said...

Love you Kallie, I can totally relate to this. I've had to change my expectations on life to be able to have time spent with God and more time with my family. Think of you often!!

Kathy Williams said...

Does your church have a Mommies/baby group during the week? If not start one, You will be busy organizing, planning and most of all having something to look forward to and people to chat with.. It's a thought. Having purpose and being busy is so important and you actually have both with Shane and Rhett plus house but life outside of home is so important too.. love you Kallie Sue

Dan Carmichael said...

It's time for some more deep thoughts of wisdom from the Slate House; please? Love you, daughter, and so proud of you!

Rebecca Nance said...

You know what's funny? I'm literally coming from the opposite direction, wanting the same thing. Feelings so busy to connect. Telling myself, I'll put them (or them, or those guys, or the new people) on my calendar for next week... or maybe the week after... and I never get it done b/c I'm "too busy." Disappointed at myself and my circumstances, I look at people who aren't busy and I think, gosh that must be great. Gosh they may be so organized. Gosh they must be so fulfilled because they have the time and freedom to go and do... And I get chained to my thoughts, just like you do, both wanting the same thing, feeling like it is just out of reach. Weird. I'm really glad you posted this. Thanks for the fresh perspective.