having a moment

Yesterday, I gave up.

I was standing in the garden looking at these gorgeous flowers while the sunset landed on them in the most beautiful way. Like a Mom holding her daughter after a first heartbreak. Almost tender. 

And I stood there, having a moment. 

Let me explain my definition of moments.  They go a little something like this:

"Kallie, the sky is blue." 

*2 months later while walking around Target looking at towels.*

"Oh my word. The sky is blue!" 

I'm sure some of you have it like me. A person can tell you something over and over and over - but then God swoops in all fancy like and says the same thing in a very calm voice, and you freak out because it feels like you've just had THE subway chocolate chip recipe given to you. 

And not in sloppy handwriting. That baby is TYPED OUT.

Such clarity. 

Well, that clarity hit me tonight. In the garden. And I gave up. 

I gave up the struggle. I gave up the tight death grip. 

I want to cling to something different. Something tangible and tasty. 

Like hope. 

And bravery. 

Courage. 

Something more than ordinary. 

Ya know. All those messy things. 

I also want to cling to Mr. B's leg when he gets home from work because someday there might be littles doing that and I don't want him to get out of shape in the meantime.