help, I need it.

Dear Jesus,

Remember when you blessed me with blonde hair? It was natural, and pretty, and long. And blonde. 

Somewhere between that time and now it is now evolving to red (see above). Is it because my bible cover is red? Are you trying to remind me that I used to have a red car? Has Mr. B been praying and asking for my roots to come in like strawberries because he doesn't like fruit, but just wants to look at it? Lord, I'm just going to go ahead and pin this one on the devil, he's such a punk. And he's trying to make my hair look like fire, because that's his favorite decoration in hell. What a creep. And a horrible decorator. 

Anyway, I know you can take care of this, because you're the man. 

A---*blondes rule*---men. 

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{Dear redheads of America: I like red hair, I do. I could name 5 cute people with red hair right now--call me up!--but I just don't think it looks good on me. Don't lie and tell me it does, cuz I'll smack ya}